Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
