The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
