well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
