I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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