guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
