man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
