he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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