My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
