I got chris browned last night
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
