do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
