So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize