I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize