he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
