We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
