We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
