there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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