Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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