I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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