im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.