We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
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Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger