I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
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I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."