Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.