You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals