There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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