Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
