he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
