its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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