Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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