But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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