you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
