I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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