i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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