So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
