Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
