I accidentally had phone sex last night
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
