Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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