That's intense
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
