I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
