Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
