My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
