it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
