remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
