My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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