I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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