Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
