my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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