Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
