If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
