So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
