I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
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Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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