Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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