I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
my liver is dry heaving
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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