i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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