the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
