capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
