would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
