how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
