There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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