im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
