atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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