Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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