That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
