I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
