do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
