After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
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You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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