found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
