what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
